Counting
by SandraDee21
Summary: Two part story set after season two. Allan and Will try not to think about each other. Allan/Will slash. Not explicit.
1. Counting backwards

**Disclaimer: I do not own Robin Hood.**

**Author's note: Set after series 2. Two part story detailing the thoughts of Allan and Will. Slash.**

100…99….98….97…96…95

Will was counting backwards again. He seemed to spend a lot of time doing it lately. It was something his dad had taught him when he was young. If he ever wanted to clear his head and stop thinking about something, he just started counting. It was supposed to clear your mind of all thought, but Will was beginning to doubt that it worked. The amount of time he spent counting was unreal.

It wasn't Djaq's fault. He had chosen this. He had jumped at the chance to stay in the Holy Land with her. He did love her. He did want to be with her. He was sure that he wanted the life she could provide – a home, family, growing old together. He turned to look at her while she moved slightly in her sleep. The other life would never have lasted. He could never have had all this if he had stayed with….

94….93….92…91…90…..89

They had a good life here, he reminded himself. Will had convinced everyone he was happy. He had picked up work with one of Djaq's family and he was enjoying it – maybe because it gave him something else to think about. It was times like this when he had too much time to think. And his thoughts always returned to one thing..

88…87…..86….85……84……83

He had done what he had promised himself and put as much distance between them as possible. He was just torturing himself by thinking about it all the time. Will had no indication that he had ever felt anything more than friendship for him. Will always went back to the times spent in the forest. They had become close friends very quickly and the effect of these new feelings had scared Will more then anything. Will realized he was thinking about it again and went back to counting.

82…..81….80…..79….78….77…..76…..75…..74

Djaq was great, he thought, as he turned to watch her sleeping again. He was so relieved when she had said she loved him. It gave him an out. He had thought that he could get away from everything during the whole "Sir Guy's right hand man" debacle, but he still couldn't check the overwhelming feelings he had had. His mind always came back to the same point.

_Allan_

73….72….71….70….69…..68…67…66……65……64…..63

Even saying his name awoke all the longing and desire that Will would never admit to, let alone act on. Maybe his punishment for feeling this way was to spend the rest of his life counting backwards.

62….61….60….59…..58…..57…..56….55…..54…..53…..52….51

Will couldn't dwell on it. If he did, he would eventually get up from this bed and throw himself back across the continents for just one word, one look, one small touch..

Anything.

He would keep checking, and moving and counting and eventually it would get better. Deep down he knew he was kidding himself but pretending and counting backwards were all he had left.

Will allowed himself one more thought before starting again at 100.

_"What is he doing, right now?"_


	2. Counting forwards

**Disclaimer: I do not own Robin Hood**

**Author's note: Set after season 2. Two part story detailing the thoughts of Allan and Will. Slash.**

1……2……3……4……..5…….6……7

Allan lay awake in the forest listening to the deep even breathing of his fellow outlaws. Only Much and John were here. Robin was out wandering around again. He had taken to doing that a lot, since their return. Allan was grateful for this. If Robin had been here, he would have questioned why Allan spent practically every night lying awake, staring at the roof. And he couldn't think about the reason..

8…..9…..10….11……12….13…..14……15

They had been a subdued bunch since returning from the Holy Land. Very little laughter and very little talking. They sat mostly in silence until there was something for them to do. Losing Marion had hit everyone hard. John had said the other day that it might have been easier to handle if, at the same time, they hadn't lost Djaq and ….

16….17….18….19….20….21…..22…..23…..24

At first Allan couldn't understand why he was having trouble sleeping, why everything seemed so pointless. He had thought it had something to do with Marion's death, but as his grieving for her abated, this pointless, lost feeling remained. Two weeks after they got back, he was walking back to camp through the forest and turned to say something to someone who was no longer walking quietly behind him. And he realized what it was he had lost…

25….26…..27…..28….29….30…..31…..32….33…..34

The more he had thought about it, the more he realized that his whole betrayal with Guy had been a subconscious effort to get him out of the forest and away from something his mind couldn't handle. Yeah, Allan thought, he had wanted the money but he hadn't realized until his return what he had really been running from. He had been trying to get away from feelings he had never encountered before.

35….36…..37…..38….39….40…..41……42……43…..44

Much grunted in his sleep and Allan turned over onto his stomach. He found that sleeping like this eased the hollow feeling he had inside. Involuntarily he remembered that day in Nottingham. Brother's in arms again. He remembered holding out his hand and wishing more than anything that he would take it. Before he died he wanted at least one last touch.

_Will_

The memory of how strongly he had felt on that day came flooding back and Allan almost gasped at the ferocity of it. His longing and pain was never going to go away. Will had told him once that counting was supposed to clear your mind so that's what he did.

All the time now.

He counted at night, he counted in the forest, he counted at meal times. He counted more than he did anything else.

But it just made him think about Will all the more.

45….46….47….48….49…..50

His last thought before sleep was always the same.

_"What is he doing right now?"_


End file.
